Sunday, October 1, 2006

October 2006


  • I love Saturday

    Current mood:content
    Saturday is my favorite day.  I love being able to sleep in.....and yes, with my husbands help with Maddie I get to sleep in.  I love relaxing and drinking coffee and having nothing to do but spend time with my family.  Today it is gorgeous outside and we have the windows open and even sat outside on the porch with the baby so she could hear the wind chimes.  I got some scrapbooking done and Daddy and Maddie had a fun play date.  I love my family, I love where I am in my life and I love Saturday.




  • estupido means stupid in spanish

    Current mood:chipper
    The Moms club that I joined has a book club that reads one book a month and then meets and discusses what their thoughts were on the book.  Although I don't know if I will have very much time to read, I was really excited about the idea of a book club because I LOVE reading!  I used to read at least a book a week pre baby and I figured that even with little time, I should be able to read one a month and be part of the book club.  Well, yesterday I got the invitation to November's book club meeting (they use e-vite for all of their events) and on the invitation was a synopsis of the book that they are reading this month which is........Second Chance by.......Danielle Steel.  Uhhh WHAT?  I could not believe it!  With all of the wonderful literary masterpieces that are in this world, my Moms club book club is reading the thought provoking work of DANIELLE STEEL.  Are you kidding me?  I have always come to the defense of stay at home moms (hey, I am one) and really believe that we are just as intelligent as our working counterparts and have chosen just as challenging professions, but COME ON!  Danielle Steel?  I am really disapointed and let down by the women in this book club.  They are giving us intelligent stay at home moms a bad name and really dumbing-up the idea of a book club.  I think that I may try and get in good with whomever makes the book selections and see if maybe we can get something a little less bodice ripping for December.  I have nothing more to say........except........
    P.S. My husband is the dictator of our home and won't let me turn the heat up past 68 degrees.  My toes are cold and I'm afraid they might fall off.  I love you honey!  lol.
  • Discoveries

    Current mood:thankful
    I've been a mommy for almost a month and a half and there are so many things that I have discovered about myself, my husband and the new life I now live.
    Having an infant is hard work.  While I was pregnant thoughts of soft skin, chubby cheeks and giggles danced in my head, and while all of those things are fantastic…..it's also a lot of hard work.  Rewarding, but hard.
    My maternal instinct kicked in instantly and is strong.  I was a little worried about this because I had been around a lot of kids in my life and was always ready to give them back to their parents when I was done with them.  Having Madeline was totally different and I don't really like being away from her for any length of time.
    Dan loves me.  During the labor/delivery and recovery period Dan helped me with some things that I don't think I would even do for anyone.  He showed so much strength and patience and never made me feel like I was a burden.  
    Other peoples children crying can drive me insane, but my own baby crying breaks my heart.  It's amazing the drive I have to make everything better when Maddie is crying.  A few times I have even sobbed myself because there was nothing that I could do to make her feel better. (damn gas)
    I am a huge advocate of breastfeeding.  I always knew I wanted to breastfeed, but since I started with Madeline I've experienced the incredible bond that flows between us and I don't plan on putting any time constraint on how long I nurse her for.  It's recommended for a year, but I will continue as long as it's mutually enjoyable for both of us.
    My husband is an incredible father.  There was never a doubt that he wouldn't be a good father, but he is amazing with our baby and a wonderful help for me.  Poopie diapers don't faze him.  When she is crying and nothing seems to be wrong and nothing can calm her he will sit and patiently hold her until she falls asleep.  And he gets up in the middle of the night to change her or sit with her so that mommy can get some sleep.  His love for her is apparent even to strangers.  He is outstanding!
    I think that my baby is the cutest baby in the world.  Yes, there are very good looking babies out there, but mine is better than all of them.  (sorry to everyone else and your children) lol.
    I am capable of functioning with so much less sleep than I would have ever imagined.  It's amazing to me that I can have a night with 4 broken hours of sleep and still get up and love my baby, take care of my house, cook meals and not want to kill my husband for getting a nice sold 7 hours of sleep.
    My body is in a constant state of motion.  Even when I am not holding Maddie, I tap my toes, rock from side to side and sway.  I think it's a permanent condition from holding and trying to get my baby to be calm, or fall asleep.  Dan does it too.  Haha.
    I watch far less TV than I used to.  Don't get me wrong, I watch just as many shows as before I had a baby, but I am usually holding Madeline and talking to her or looking at her and I miss most of what is going on.  I ask Dan constantly "what did he just say," or "what just happened?" I'm sure it annoys him a lot.  But I find that I don't pay attention to TV nearly as much even with a DVR.
    Babies grow like weeds which in my case means that she is already growing out of her precious baby clothes.  She has outgrown some 0-3 month clothes and we have moved up to 3-6 month clothes and she is only 6 weeks old.  I know she will slow down eventually, but man we're gonna have to shell out some $$ if she keeps it up!
    The phrase sleeping like a baby is a bunch of malarkey in reference to sleeping soundly and peacefully.  Babies (and I say babies plural because I don't think it's just mine) do not sleep soundly.  Madeline thrashes around, kicks her legs, hits herself in the face, grunts, growls and makes cooing sounds.  She is asleep the entire time she is doing all of these things unless hitting herself wakes her up, but she most definitely does not sleep like a baby…..and neither does her mommy anymore.
    I may never be on time again.  I used to be a very punctual person and lateness really upset me, but with a baby I can't seem to be on time for anything.  I try to schedule things around her nursing so I don't have to breastfeed in public, but sometimes she doesn't cooperate.  Diaper has to be changed before we leave, diaper bag has to be packed, baby has to be put into car seat, water needs to be filled up in my cup…..there are just so many things to be done before we leave the house.  Gone are the days of grabbing my keys and sunglasses and jumping in the car.
    Infant poop is easy to clean off butt cheeks, but near impossible to get out of baby clothes.  All of those cute, tiny baby clothes that we have for Maddie are slowly being stained with yellow baby poop.  So sad.  *sigh*
    The most expensive diapers are not always the best.  We have tried Huggies, Luvs, Pampers and although I now like the Pampers Swaddler diapers, for the first 4 weeks we ended up using the Target brand diapers because they worked the best.  Which happened to work out for us because they were half the cost of any other name brand diapers!
    Sometimes Madeline makes a face and I swear I'm looking at Dan.  She doesn't look like either one of us particularly….she has my ears, and face shape and I think she has Dan's nose and possibly his lips…..the jury is still out on who's eyes she has.  But I swear every once in a while she is the spitting image of her Daddy.  It will be fun to see who she resembles as she gets older and her looks progress.
    Motherhood is awesome.  It's so much better than I ever could have imagined!  I love watching Madeline grow and seeing her become her own little person.
    And becauseI love pictures of my baby so much.....here are a few!!
    Her shirt says Crib Potato
    My little chub!
    I think she's pooping

  • Maddie's birth story....disclaimer inside!

    Current mood:busy
    This is Madeline's birth story.  I wrote it down so that one day my baby can read it and see what I went though to bring her into the world.  I also had some people who have asked me about it and rather than tell it over and over again, they can just read it if they want.  If you don't want to know this much information about me or things that are involved in the child birthing process…..please do not read. 

    Everything started on the evening of Monday, September 11th.  I was admitted into the hospital around 5:30 pm put into a labor and delivery room and went over tons of paperwork.  I changed into a hospital gown and my doc came in to do an exam and to insert a Foley bulb into my cervix.  Imagine the balloons that mines and clowns use to make balloon animals and that is what the Foley bulb looked like.  One end (the end that was in my cervix) was blown up into a little round bulb, and the other end stayed long and skinny.  I was still only dilated 1 centimeter and 80% effaced…..no progress….poo.  Doc made one attempt to insert the bulb and failed, and on the second try said he "thought" that it was in correctly.  All the while, I am lying in stirrups extremely uncomfortable and having more people look at my vagina than I felt was truly necessary.  I also had some blood drawn and had an IV inserted into a vein in my hand…..which hurt because the nurse had to do it 3 times before she actually found a vein that she didn't collapse.  My Dr. finished and took off and Dan and I were left to our own devices.  We had already missed dinner and there isn't much to do in a hospital, so we watched some TV and went for a walk around the hospital in hopes of helping the process along with gravity.  Imagine me in a hospital gown…..because they made me wear it even though I wasn't in labor or anything….walking around with no pants on and the long end of the Foley bulb hanging down between my legs.  Needless to say it was an uncomfortable and embarrassing walk.  The nurse came in and checked the bulb at 11:30 pm to make sure that it was still in and after ascertaining that it was, she gave me some Ambien to help me sleep and Dan and I went to bed.  Let me just say that Ambien is fabulous and in our hospital room where there was a monitor that beeped all the time, I didn't hear anything and slept like a baby.

    The next morning, Tuesday, September 12th, the nurse came in at 6:00 am to wake me up and since my Ambien worked so well, I wouldn't wake up, so she came back at 6:30 am.  Dan and I got up and showered.  I was told that I was not allowed to eat anything from midnight until after I gave birth which I thought was ridiculous because if I was going to go through all of the work that is labor, I needed some fuel.  So, Dan and I had brought food in the night before and I snuck a piece of bread with peanut butter on it while the nurse was out of our room.  At 7:00 am the nurse removed the Foley bulb and did an exam and told us that I was still only 1 centimeter and it looked like the bulb had not done anything.  She hooked me up to a fetal monitor and a blood pressure cuff that took my blood pressure every 30 minutes.  I had to have the monitoring because they were inducing me, otherwise I would have been able to walk around the hospital to help with my labor.  The nurse also hooked me up to a pitocin drip to get my labor started.  At 7:30 am my doctor came and did another exam and said that I was 2 centimeters dilated and while he was doing the exam I felt him poking something and asked what he was doing and after I felt a gush of water coming out he told me that he had just broken my water.  I was so upset and wished that he had told me before hand that he was going to do that rather than telling me after the fact because if my water was not broken I still had the option of leaving the hospital to try and labor naturally at home but with my water broken I had to have the baby within 24 hours. 

    My contractions started around 7:45 am and were pretty mild.  Some people had said that contractions feel like period cramps, but I didn't think they did at all.  Dan and I started watching movies and my mom arrived at around 9:00 am to hang out with us.  My contractions were 3 minutes apart and lasting about 1 minute but they were irregular and some were strong and some were mild.  I used the restroom a couple of times which was quite difficult with the monitors and having to cart the IV stand around with me, plus trying to pee while having a contraction was not fun!  We continued to watch movies and chat while my contractions got stronger and closer together and at 12:00 pm the nurse came in and did an exam and told us that I was 3 centimeters.  I started to feel really discouraged because the pain was getting pretty bad due to the pitocin and I wasn't progressing very quickly.  I decided to get something to help with the pain and the nurse gave me stadol.  She said that it would work quickly and boy did it!  I remember laughing hysterically and telling Dan and my mom that I could understand why drugs are illegal but why people would like to take them because the stadol was fantastic.  I then started crying hysterically and laughing still all at the same time.  My mom told me that I kept saying that my head felt full.  Who knows!  I could still feel the contractions and it still hurt, but I was so out of it, I didn't care.  About 8 minutes after getting the stadol, I fell asleep. 

    I slept for about 3 hours and when I woke up the stadol had worn off and the contractions were killer!  I got up to try and walk around the room a little bit because laying flat on my back seemed to make the contractions hurt more but the nurse came in because I was not able to have the fetal monitors on while walking around and she said that I had to have the monitors on.  So, I got hooked back up and tried sitting in a rocking chair and leaning forward over a table, but the fetal monitor was not getting an accurate reading so the nurse came back in and told me that if I was going to sit in the rocking chair I had to sit straight up.  I tried that for a while, but sitting straight up did not help with the pain at all.  I got back into bed and tried lying on my side to help with the contractions….again the fetal monitor could not get an accurate read out and the nurse came back in and told me that I had to lie on my back.  So basically I was in pretty bad pain and my options were to either lay flat on my back, or to sit up straight in a chair…..not much to help me get through the pain of labor and my labor was pretty intense because pitocin makes contractions come fast and furiously rather than laboring naturally where contractions are more gradual.  My contractions were now right on top of each other with no break in between and my nurse told me that I could get more stadol although it might not work a second time or an epidural if I wanted it.  I was trying really hard not to get an epidural so I said another stadol.  At 4:00pm she did an exam and I was dilated to 5 centimeters and she hooked me up to more stadol…..and in fact it did not work.  By this time I was not getting any relief from the constant pain and I was feeling pretty bummed that I was only 5 centimeters and didn't know how I was going to get through the last 5 centimeters when it was soo painful.  I ordered an epidural and 15 minutes later at 4:15 pm the anesthesiologist arrived to insert the epidural.  I was really scared and was worried because I was told that I was not allowed to move yet I was having back to back contractions and my body was moving on it's own…..thought I would become paralyzed.  The epidural was so easy and I didn't even feel it.  People talk about it being so painful and crying during it, but just the thought of the pain relief the epidural was going to bring made it totally easy.  My mom left at this time to go back to our home to feed the dogs.

    After epidural was administered my nurse inserted a catheter so I wouldn't have to get up to potty and also did another exam.  I was 6 centimeters.  The pain was a little bit better but I could totally still feel every contraction and they were still painful.  Within 10 minutes the contractions got worse and I felt the need to push (it felt a lot like needing to poop) we called the nurse in and she did another exam and I was fully dilated.  I had gone from 6 to 10 centimeters in 10 minutes!  Hooray.  The nurse told me to not push and to let the pressure build up…..I now know it was because she needed to call the doctor to drive over to the hospital to help deliver.  I tried my best to hold off on pushing but it was hard!  Contractions were still killer and brought on urge to push every time.  My doctor arrived and got me set up into stirrups and my nurse and a baby nurse were all congregated around my legs.  They told me to push the first time and said that I was a good pusher and then started to talk amongst themselves about hospital stuff.  I could feel everything and knew when to push and would start on my own, and then the Doctor and nurses would stop talking and watch me push and then go back to talking.  The pushing was the easiest part because while I was pushing the contractions went away and I didn't hurt and because I knew I was so close to seeing my baby, I got a second wind and had lots of energy to push.  Dan was really good about cheering me on and in 40 minutes I pushed Madeline out!  She was 8 pounds, 7 ounces and was born at 5:43 pm.  Her apgar scores were 9 and 10!  At one point they asked me if I wanted a mirror to be able to see her coming out and I said no because I just wanted to push and get it over with and didn't want to have to wait for them to set up the mirror.  They also asked me if I wanted to reach down and touch her and pull her out and I again said no, because I just wanted to get her out.  I was all business!  My mom came back at 6:00 pm after feeding the dogs and as she was walking down the hallway to my hospital room, she heard a baby crying and figured it was someone else who had given birth.  Boy was she surprised when she got to my room and discovered that I had given birth in the hour that she was gone feeding the dogs!  Haha.

    Looking back there were things that I liked and disliked about my birthing experience.  I wish that I would have been able to walk around and try different pain management techniques during labor but having been induced and basically strapped to the bed, it was not possible.  At the time I wished that I didn't have the epidural but right after delivery and even today I am really glad that I did.  It helped me to relax and I finished dilating really quickly after it was administered.  If I had not had the epidural, the possibility of me having had a much longer labor, or a c-section would have been much greater. (my doctor told me the day after I delivered that he thought for sure I was going to have a c-section because I was progressing so slowly)  And I still felt everything even after the epidural, I could still feel the contractions and I could still feel when I needed to push and how I needed to push.  This experience has taught me that you can plan out as much as you can and things still may not happen the way that you want or had planned.  Every birth experience is different and you just have to go with the flow.  The final result will hopefully be a healthy beautiful baby and it doesn't matter so much which road you take through the journey.  

    P.S.  I did not poop on the delivery table!  Yeah me!

  • Big Mistake

    Current mood:cranky
    Tonight we went to the fair.  Let me start out by saying that I was excited about the idea of getting out of the house and being entertained by everything that is the fair.....oh, and eating too!  I have always loved the Del Mar fair in San Diego and hoped that the fair in Raleigh would be equally as great.  The evening got off to a good start although we left the house an hour later than I wanted to.  As we were driving there and got close we noticed that all of the freeway exits were completely bumper to bumper and no one was moving.  I won't bore you with all of the details, but  I will say that our entire evening took five and a half hours and we were only at the fair for 1 of those hours......getting to the fair and leaving the fair were HORRIBLE.....there was so much traffic!!  I have also never seen an outdoor event that was so crowded, and I worked at Disneyland for 2 years!!  Inside the fair you could barely walk because there were so many people inside.....it felt like we were all cattle and had to inch our way around.  I wore Maddie in a snugglie on my chest and had people bumping into me left and right. 
    I was so excited for fair food and we ended up only having a corn dog and some cheesy fries because most of the lines were ridiculously long and on top of that I got sick from the food.  Not throw up sick, but I felt like I was gonna and now Madeline has gas and is a big cranky pot and it's more than likely from the greasy food that I ate that I didn't even really enjoy!  As we were leaving around 8:30, there were still huge lines outside of the fair of people wanting to go in and there were cars all backed up trying to find places to park.  And a crazy thing.....cars were parked EVERYWHERE.....they were randomly on the side of the road, in ditches, parked on the grassy areas of the freeway on ramps and off ramps, they were parked in the center dividers on the roads surrounding the fair.  I couldn't believe it.  It was also totally loud with people yelling in microphones everywhere and it was really cold out and I worried that my baby was freezing.  All in all a pretty bad idea.  But at least now we know.  I don't think that I ever need to go back to the fair here in Raligh again.  And if next year you find me writing about wanting to go.......kick me in the head and tell me it's a bad idea!  lol. 
    The picture below was taken after 2 hours in the car trying to get close enough to the fair to park......I am still in pretty good spirits hoping that the fair will be enjoyable......also, notice the cute little baby attached to me.....that's the best part of the picture!

  • Tub time No. 2

    Current mood:happy
    Today we did appempt no. 2 at the big girl bath tub.  It was much less tramatic for all involved!  Maddie liked being in the water and havign it poured on her, but did not like at the end when I washed her hair.  But she only started crying when the shampoo was rinsed off.....what a big girl.  She handled the experience so much better than last time and it made me feel a lot better that I was not tramatizing her for life or making her freeze.  All in all a good time and I know that it will only get better as we continue doing it.  If she is anything like her Mama, once we get to bath toys she won't ever want to leave the tub!  lol. 


  • Snore fest

    Current mood:satisfied
    I had quite a night of sleeping last night with my baby on one side of me snoring and my husband on the other side of me snoring.  How did I get stuck in the middle of that fun? 
    We're going to the fair today and I am excited.  What other time of the year can you eat anything you could possibly imagine fried?  The new thing they have is fried coca cola......I'll let ya know how that is......although it sounds pretty weird to me.
    Well I'm off.....I love lazy weekend mornings.  My husband, baby and a cup of coffee.....what could be better?
     Happy Saturday!!
  • Heaven sent papasan chair!

    Current mood:chipper
    I have joined a Moms group!!  Yesterday was the first meeting that I went to and I had a great time.  Most of the moms there are around the same age as I am and most of them have more than one kid.....I couldn't even imagine that for myself right now! lol.  There were crafts for the kids old enough to do them and a police officer came and talked to us about child safety.....that was kinda lame becasue she didn't tell me anything that I didn't already know.  It was nice to get out of the house and to be around other women who are going through the same things that I am.  Madeline is the youngest baby there but I'm sure it won't be that way for long.  This Moms group is a nation wide club and they have something going on every day during the week that I can choose to attend if I want.  Same age play groups, book club get togethers, cooking evenings, moms night out, trips to museums and family events.  They are having a fun fall event with hay rides, pumpkin carving, crafts etc.....I know Maddie is too young for that, but it will be a great group to be involved in for when she is a little older.  I can't wait to get more involved and to make some friends.  Dan and I have moved around so much in the last couple of years that we haven't really made friends, and while I was pregnant it felt like we were in a transition state where it was hard to make new friends cause we didn't fit in with the couples with kids yet, and we didn't fit in with the young married couples cause most of them were going out and partying and drinking which we couldn't do.  But now that we've had Madeline, purchased our home and are settled and NOT moving again, I am so ready to meet people and make some friends!!
    We have also found a church that we are pretty excited about.  We have yet to attend though.  The plan was to go last Sunday, but Saturday night was pretty wicked with the baby and it just wasn't happening Sunday morning.  But, this week it's on.  We are going to attend come hell or high water.  The church is called Clevelnad Community Church and I've checked out their website and it seems like a really cool church and it meets my basic requirements for a church which are:
    1. Young people must attend....I do not want to be a member of a church with all old people. 
    2. There must be a praise band.....I know that hymns have their place in church history, but I feel that is where they should stay.  I want to be moved and lifted up and old stuffy hymns just don't do that for me. 
    3. The pastor must have a sense of humor....the pastor of Cleveland has his own blog and seems very jolly.  
    4. Sermons must be relevent to our generation......I don't want to be preached to about my sin all the time.....I know I'm a sinner, but learning about God and how his word fits into my life in 2006 is much more interesting than being condemend every Sunday. 
     5. There needs to be more than 25 people who attend the church......don't get me wrong, I like cozy situations but I also like my privacy and don't want everyone at chucrch to know EVERYTHING about my life. 
    6. There needs to be Sunday school classes for kids and youth groups for Jr. High and High School aged kids.  I was very involved with my church and youth groups growing up and it enriched my life and kept me out of the bad stuff that kids that age do.  It was a fun, safe place for me to be and was were I met my core group of friends growing up.....I want that for my children!
    So, that's it.....although it is a lot to ask for, I do feel like this church can offer all of these things and more!  I am very excited about trying it out...now all we have to do is get Maddie to sleep well Saturday night.
    I'm sure that those of you who look at my pictures regularly have seen a fuzzy looking chair that Madeline is sitting in.  It's in the picture below.  I need to publish props for this chair.  It is a vibrating, music playing papasan chair for the babies....I think it's Fisher Price, but this chair was sent to us from Heaven!  For anyone who has a new baby, or thinking about having a baby, BUY THIS CHAIR!!!!  We don't use the music all that often, but the vibrating is fantastic!  We can stick Maddie in the chair and on most days she will relax and fall asleep.  It's cozy and has a built in blanket and keeps her somewhat upright which seems to help her with gas.  I love this chair and after last night when she was up every 2 hours to eat and having a rough time I put the chair up on the bed this morning where Dan usually sleeps (after he left for work) and stuck her in it with the paci and she slept for another 3 hours right next to me.  Hooray for more sleep!  This papasan chair is a very good investment and I'm glad I bought it. 
    Ducky day....she looks like and elf! lol.
  • The amazing enormous baby!!

    Current mood:tired
    Today my precious baby is one month old.  I can't believe that a month has already gone by.....I know I've said this before, but it really does feel like I was pregnant just the other day, and in the hospital giving birth to her yesterday.  It seems like so much has happened in this one month and at the same time very little has happened.  Maddie has made gigantic steps in development and yet in the scheme of life it's such a small amount of progress compared to what she will accomplish throughout her life.
    Today we took my little baby to her Dr. so that she could get her one month weigh in. Since I am breastfeeding, I wanted to make sure that she was gaining weight appropriately since I don't really know how much is going in.  I can tell that she is gaining weight because she looks chubbier than she did at birth and clothes are already starting to not fit, but you know....I wanted to know.  Dan and I both guessed at what her weight would be.  Dan guessed 9 pounds 12 ounces and I guessed 9 pounds 13 ounces and then changed my mind to 10 pounds.  Well.......at her weigh in where she was wearing nothing, not even a diaper, she weighed 11 pounds 10 ounces!!!!  Holy freaking enormous baby!  We could not believe it!!  At birth she weighed 8 pounds 7 ounces and a week later at her Dr. appt. she was 8 pounds 4 ounces, so.....in 3 weeks she gained 3 pounds 6 ounces!!!  And ignorant people say that babies don't thrive as well on breast milk....HA.  So, we don't have anything to worry about with that.
    She has been fussier this week than she had ever been before.  I don't know if it's just an off week, or if she is getting more of a personality and does not like going to sleep or being asleep, or if she is getting a little bit of colic.  Dan says that it is not colic, but I'm not sure yet.  I hope that it's not, because that will make my life a lot more difficult (lack of sleep & fussy baby all day long) and Maddie looks miserable when she is crying and unhappy.  I feel so bad for her.....you'd think that if God could make babies as perfect as they are, he could go one step further and give them better intestinal tracts right off the bat so they wouldn't have to deal with the yuckie gas that they all seem to get.  Hopefully the couple of bad days that we've had this week are just a fluke and that serenity and sleep are in my near future!
    Happy one month!  Here is a picture of my chubster.  P.S. This is the last time that she will be wearing the cute cow outfit......it is getting too short for her.  Boo hoo.

  • Grumpus butt!!

    Current mood:okay
    Today my little angel has been a total grumpus!!  I do not know what the deal is....she is so cranky and nothing seems to help.  She doesn't want to be in her vibrating chair, or her swing, and we tried tummy time and wiggle time under her activity mat and she doesn't want to do that either.  She wants her pacifier and then she does not want her pacifier.  She is soo tired and keeps yawning but she WILL NOT go to sleep.  Every time she gets close to sleep, she flails her arms around and wakes herself up.  I tried wearing her in the sling and she fell asleep for a little bit but as soon as I take her out so that I can do something productive around the house, she wakes up and flips out.  And it's not that she is just whining....she is full on crying, and it breaks my heart and also drives me insane.  What do you do with a cranky baby when nothing seems to be working?
    She is even cranky in her sleep.....what little sleep she has gotten today.  HELP!!  Insane mommy trapped with grumpus!

  • rainy wedding day

    Current mood:exhausted
    Today we had a big outting.  We went to the wedding of our friends Ivy and Paul.  We met up with Dan's family and went out to lunch in Fuquay and then drove to the wedding which was being held on a farm of sorts.  I say of sorts, because I have no idea what kind of farm it was, but the wedding was in a barn.  I felt really bad for Ivy because we have had really nice weather in the 80s all week and then yesterday the sky started leaking and the temp dropped to the upper 50s and today was no different.  Every girl dreams of her wedding day and I don't think any of the dreams involve rain or dark skies.  It turned out okay, but the outdoor wedding had to be moved inside.  It was really nice seeing the family and having the baby out and about.  She looked so cute in the little dress that we bought especially for the occasion and she was such a good girl all night!!  But I must say that it feels good to be home.  I was so tired most of the day and also cold because it was gross outside all day and us women folk wore dresses and open toed shoes which makes it even colder.....I changed into comfy pajama pants and fuzzy socks as soon as I got home.  I am tired and ready to go to bed.  As soon as we can get little miss Maddie to sleep I am going to fall into a coma.  Below is a picture of Madeline sleeping in her pretty dress from tonight.....she looks grumpy!!  lol. 
    P.S. Maddie slept from 11:30 till 5:00 last night!!  Woo Hoo for a 5 and a half hour stretch.....and let's pray for more of those nights!

  • Week 3

    Current mood:loved
    October 2, 2006

    Precious baby,

    As week three comes to a close I am having a hard time remembering what it was like without you in my life.  At this point my life revolves around you and your needs and I can't imagine it being any other way.  We still wake up together 2-3 times every night so that you can nurse and I spend much of my day with you in my arms doing everything I can to keep you happy.  You are starting to be awake more in the day and actually sleeping better at night.  It takes much less time for me to get you to fall back asleep after nursing at night than it used to!!  Hooray for more sleep…..although you still fight falling asleep and get pretty mad.  You take after your mommy in the fact that you also get really mad when you are waking up.  You grunt and squirm and arch your back and try with all of your might to stay sleeping even though your body is trying to wake up!  It's pretty funny.

    You took your first trip to visit Daddy at work this week.  He took you out of your car seat and walked you through the offices at his work and introduced you to a lot of people.  Everyone of course thought you were adorable (which you are) and a couple of the guys even held you.  Daddy was really proud and we both enjoyed showing you off.  Mommy also had her very own outing with you alone to Wal-Mart.  I hadn't been out of the house when it was just the two of us and I was a little nervous at first, but we did great!  You slept most of the time that we were shopping and I got you home without having to feed you in Wal-Mart.  It was a great accomplishment!

    Daddy learned that sometimes when he is changing you, he needs to duck and take cover!  You had explosive poop and made a huge mess the other day.  You got it all over Daddy's shirt, the changing table, the armoire that your clothes are in and even some poop on the wall across from your changing table.  It was REALLY funny and Daddy and I could not believe what a mess you made.  I was secretly thrilled that you made such a mess while Daddy was changing you and not while I was changing you…..good girl!!  You are definitely good at making poop and pee and keep us on our toes while we change your diaper…..you still like to wait until the diaper is off to decide that you want to pee which is a lot of fun for us.

    You had your first big girl bath this week.  Since your belly button stump fell off, it was okay to submerge you into the tub.  Daddy and I filled your tub up with warm water and got you undressed and I tried to put you in the water very slowly so that you could get used to it, but it was hard to do.  I'm not really sure how you felt about the bath.  You definitely didn't love it, but you also didn't cry.  You kicked your legs a little bit and made constant baby noises, but I think you were too startled and surprised that you were in water to figure out how you felt about it.  Mommy had a hard time with the whole thing and thought that you were freezing and wanted to get you out as soon as possible.  We didn't even wash your hair or use soap.  But it was the first time and we got that experience under out belts and the next time should be easier and hopefully you'll learn to enjoy it. 

    We had your first official tummy time this week.  Mommy laid you down in your crib on your tummy and you laid there with your face planted flat on the mattress.  I of course freaked out and removed you from tummy time since you did not lift your head at all.  I later tried propping you on your tummy on the boppy so that you didn't have your face flat on the mattress and you did much better.  You lifted your head a little bit and I lowered my face so that you could look at it and have something to focus on.  I didn't keep you on your tummy for very long because it still freaked me out and made me sad that you had the options to either strain and lift your neck, or have your face flat looking down.  We'll keep working on it though and try a little more every day so that you can learn the motor skills you need to roll over and push yourself up.

    Overall we had a great week.  I can't believe how big you are getting and how fast you are growing.  You are getting more baby fat and looking very cute and kissable!  It's hard to believe that in one week you are going to be one month old…..it seems like yesterday we were in the hospital.  I love you so much and can't wait to see what unfolds this week.

    Love always,
    Mommy 



  • One Year

    Current mood:thankful
    Today marks the one year anniversary of my wedding to my best friend.  One year ago today we were in California with all our friends and family vowing our love and commitment to each other.  Life has changed so much in this year, we found out we were having a baby, bought a house, I stopped working, and gave birth to my miracle!  So many changes, but the one constant is our love for each other and the deep friendship that we have.  This has been a wonderful first year and I look forward to every year to come.  I love you honey...here's our song!

Friday, September 1, 2006

September 2006


  • Addiction

    Current mood:happy
    Okay, I am going to admit it.....I have an addiction.......to Grey's Anatomy!  I only started watching the show this summer while it was being re-aired during the off season because Dan and I always watched CSI on Thursdays, and I have this thing where if I don't start watching a show from the beginning, I just can't seem to get into it mid season.  Well, I have rented season 1 and 2 of Grey's Anatomy and am all caught up and have thus started my addiction.  We now have a DVR because we have a baby and can't always watch our shows when they are on, and so far I have watched last nights episode of Grey's Anatomy twice and that probably won't be it.  I love the characters, I love the story lines and I feel like these people are my friends, I know, I'm a weirdo....I have not been as "into" a show as Grey's Anatomy since my girls from Sex and the City.  Okay, that's all.  Just thought I needed to admit to my addiction!
  • Breastfeeding in whose public?

    Current mood:frustrated
    I was shopping in Wal-Mart yesterday with Dan and Madeline looking for nursing bras.  Maddie had been asleep up until the end of the shopping when she woke up and was hungry.  I got her out of her car seat and walked over to the dressing rooms and asked the girl working the dressing rooms if I could go into one of the rooms to nurse my baby.  The girl (who was approx. 23-24) looked at me weirdly and said that she didn't know if it was okay for me to nurse in the dresing room.  I told her that I could either walk around the store with my boob hanging out, or I could modestly nurse my baby in a private dressing room.  She told me that so many people go in and out of the dressing rooms and implied that it wasn't the cleanest place for me to nurse Maddie and that if I were her, I would go into the Wal-Mart bathroom and nurse in the handicapped stall.  I looked at her like she was crazy....she thought it was a better idea for me to take my 2 week old into the nasty public restroom and sit on the toilet to nurse her.  I told her to call a manager and ask permission for me to nurse in the dressing room.  She made the call and over the phone the manager apparently told her that I could use the dressing room because she said yes, and then got another phone call and told me to wait while she talked to someone else on the phone all the while Maddie is getting more and more upset and starting to holler.  I took the matter into my own hands and broke the Wal-Mart law.....I let myself in the dressing room!!
    I holed up in the dressing room and fed my child, but am still reeling from the experience.  I can not believe how ignorant society is on breastfeeding and that I have to battle to be able to hide in a dressing room and breastfeed.  Next time I may just throw my own modesty to the wind and whip it out in the store and make everyone uncomfortable.  We need some kind of education program for this!
    Breastfeeding in Whose Public?by Peggy O'Mara
    It is unnecessary to defend breastfeeding in public. To me, it's like walking in public. It's a basic human right. For others, however "those who live in a bottle-feeding culture with little or no apparent exposure to breastfeeding" the act is a private matter. How little they understand breastfeeding.

    In the last month I have heard of four dramatic incidents involving breastfeeding in public, and the frequency of such reports makes me realize that the subject strikes a deep chord with the American public. I am hopeful that the retuning of this deep chord means that we are actually on the verge of becoming a breastfeeding culture.

    In June, www.mothering.com reported on a demonstration by breastfeeding moms outside ABC headquarters in New York City. The lactivists were protesting comments by Barbara Walters that she and others felt "very uncomfortable" when they saw a mother breastfeeding her baby next to them on a plane.

    Later that month, Seattle's ABC news commentator Ken Schram defended Walters when he compared public breastfeeding to public urinating, saying, "Now, I know we're supposed to be living in an enlightened society and all, but I'll tell you what: when some woman sitting next to you pops it out and starts suckling little Johnny or Suzie, I think it makes most people uncomfortable! Yeah, I know. It's natural. Well, so is urinating, but most folks don't up and pee in a glass jar in the middle of the mall." In response to this outrageous comment, 150 Mothering readers and other breastfeeding supporters gathered at the Seattle Center on June 27. Schram not only failed to apologize, he implied that brazen breastfeeding mothers were the problem. "A little modesty goes a long way," he said patronizingly.

    A couple of weeks ago, I heard from a mother in Albuquerque whose friend had been asked to leave an amusement park because she was breastfeeding in public. Just this last weekend, there was actually a television debate about breastfeeding in public in which CNN commentator Tucker Carlson said he opposed it. 

    The breastfeeding-advocacy community has used these outrages as opportunities for education. At one demonstration, participants handed out copies of the recent American Academy of Pediatrics statement on breastfeeding, which lists lack of support in society as one of the obstacles to breastfeeding success. With a national goal of 75 percent breastfeeding initiation by the year 2010, we still have a long way to go in helping mothers feel comfortable breastfeeding in public.

    I take issue with those who suggest that breastfeeding mothers just stay home. First, the suggestion is patently misogynist. Second, it is impossible for a mother to control her baby's need to nurse. If a mother brings a breastfeeding baby into public, the baby will inevitably need to nurse. Nursing cannot be put off because it is inconvenient. The woman has the choice between feeding her baby in public and letting him or her cry. The mother cannot run blocks through the parking lot to nurse her baby in the car. She can't find a quiet place in a public bathroom because few exist.

    In fact, our public spaces lack private places, and not many public places accommodate nursing a baby or changing a diaper. It is cruelly paradoxical that new mothers are encouraged to breastfeed without any idea of how much society and other people will undermine them. When it comes to going out in public to do what everyone else does, only clothing-store dressing rooms and bathroom stalls are spaces predictably private enough for mothers and infants. This is not good enough. Breastfed babies normally nurse almost continuously during the first few weeks and months as they build up the milk supply. Infant humans cannot simply be stashed at home while mommy runs off for her errands. Baby needs to be carried around so that breastfeeding is readily available, as breastmilk is low in fat and babies must feed often. 

    It's not a simple matter or advisable practice for mom to leave her breastfed baby at home with a bottle while she shops. Breastfeeding and bottle-feeding are not simply interchangeable, and there are distinct disadvantages to a bottle for a breastfed baby. Even more important, it is elitist to assume that everyone has someone to watch her baby.

    And what about the baby? Doesn't the baby have nutritional rights? Does the baby have a right to breastmilk? If so, how absurd to limit the places where a baby can breastfeed because of unreasonable projections and ignorance about how breastfeeding works.

    Barbara Walters says that breastfeeding in public makes her "uncomfortable." I think a lot of people feel this way, but it's not a legitimate reason for limiting breastfeeding in public. In fact, it's all the more reason to encourage it. I suspect that people feel uncomfortable when they see breastfeeding in public because they can't stop staring, and they interpret this as prurient interest. I believe that they can't take their eyes off breastfeeding simply because they have not seen it before. It is a natural human instinct to want to see the feeding of our species. It does not mean that we see the breast as sexual. It simply means that breastfeeding is naturally fascinating. You simply cannot expect to refrain from staring at something you have never seen before. For those in a breastfeeding culture, however, it becomes commonplace.

    Ken Schram equates breastfeeding with public urinating, implying that breastfeeding is both a private affair and a part of our animal nature that should be hidden away. This reveals a great deal about our cultural biases. I have already argued that it is impossible to keep breastfeeding private if the human rights of women and infants are to be respected. It is precisely because of its animal nature that breastfeeding should be embraced rather than avoided in public. It is only through making breastfeeding common in the public sphere that we will become a breastfeeding culture. And it is impossible for us to reach our health goals as a nation if we do not become a breastfeeding culture.

    The fact that someone would actually debate the question of breastfeeding in public as if it were simply a lifestyle choice, like walking your dog without a leash or skateboarding on the sidewalk, reveals a gross ignorance of human anatomy and physiology. One must know nothing about breastfeeding to assume that one could simply feed one's baby at home in order not to have to bother with feeding in public. There is simply no argument against such ignorance, which points to the logical conclusion that more education is needed. I'm glad that most groups that have demonstrated against these absurd remarks have used them as educational opportunities.

    Some of the press about women who have demonstrated against these insulting comments has been dismissive to lactivists. In fact, one website, The Bitch Girls (www.thebitchgirls.us/), agrees with Tucker Carlson that "the lactivists seem to go out of their way to attract more attention to their naked breasts. The site recommends sending breastfeeding moms to the bathroom. Lactivist, on the contrary, is a respected label that has been used proudly for years by breastfeeding advocates, many of whom have been instrumental in improving breastfeeding policy internationally. I take offense when sincere demonstrators are dismissed and marginalized by labels. But I also realize that strong opposing emotions must be aired in order for breastfeeding to become assimilated into the culture.

    The Bitch Girls site echoes the concern expressed most often by those who oppose public breastfeeding: modesty. In many ways, it is ludicrous to even discuss modesty in the context of breastfeeding when scanty women's clothing is so well tolerated in the media, at the workplace, and in public on most other occasions. It is obvious, then, that this argument is a foil for those who are uncomfortable seeing a woman breastfeed in public because they are underexposed to breastfeeding in general. And it is further evidence of prejudice toward women even, unfortunately, among women.

    Do we breastfeeding moms have any responsibility to be discreet when we breastfeed? I was active in La Leche League in the 1970s, when directives came out from headquarters before conferences urging us to be considerate of others when we breastfed in the hotel and to do so discreetly. There were those who took umbrage at this well-intentioned advice, but in fact most of us are discreet in public simply because of our own modesty and the fact that no one enjoys being stared at. However, the baby is an active participant in nursing and sometimes can make it difficult if not impossible to be discreet. Also, some moms are insulted by the suggestion that they should cover up while breastfeeding simply because others are uncomfortable with something totally natural. 

    It's important that we take the higher road and not polarize ourselves with such ridiculous posturing. Let's not knock heads with those who appear to denigrate breastfeeding. Let's educate them. The cover of the January-February 2004 issue of Mothering showed an infant breastfeeding. It was very artistic and tasteful, but the nipple was visible. If you visit a store that carries magazines today, you will see that one can be almost totally naked on the cover of a magazine on the newsstand as long as the nipple is hidden.

    We at Mothering did not even consider that the cover would be controversial because we are so accustomed to witnessing breastfeeding. However, others did not see it the same way, and in one local store the issue in question was covered up. They put a blank piece of paper over the image, with only the logo showing. This was done by a store clerk, at the request of a customer who was offended by the nipple cover. Our local newspaper, the Santa Fe New Mexican, did a front-page story on the covering of the cover, and local media followed the story closely and incredulously. As it turned out, the owner of the store was a reader of Mothering, and was mortified that her clerk had covered the magazine. The problem was that she had no store policy for this kind of situation, only a policy for pornography. Simply creating a store policy so future employees know what to do with a breastfeeding cover would help tremendously.

    Soon after this incident, a natural-foods grocery on the East Coast sent back their copies of the same issue, then had to go to another local store to buy more when local breastfeeding moms questioned their decision and wanted their Mothering magazines. The moms were cordially accommodated by the store when they came for their nurse-in, and everyone learned a lot.

    I find that in most cases the public is supportive of breastfeeding and understands its importance. That was not so when I was a young mom, and we have surely made progress. It is often lack of a store policy, intimidation or sensationalism by an extreme individual, or simple ignorance that causes people to object to breastfeeding in public or images of breastfeeding. They are simply afraid of the natural world and, hopefully, can be gently reminded of it. Nurse on, you lactivists. We're almost there.

  • Week 2

    Current mood:hungry
    September 26, 2006

    My Maddie Girl,

    We have officially made it through week number two and not only are you still alive, but you are thriving!  Daddy and I have actually been left alone with you for 4 whole days this week and we have done quite well if I do say so myself.  You are still eating wonderfully and have really gotten the hang of breast feeding.  You pull yourself off and re-latch yourself when you decide that you want more and often times you finish a feeding with a look of contentment and milk running down your cheeks…..it's really very cute!  I also love when you play with your hands while you are nursing, you clasp them together and touch your face and sometimes even grab mommy's bra. 

    Your cheeks are filling in and your arms and legs look a little meatier.  You are looking more like a chubby baby and less like a teeny tiny infant and although it lets me know that you are getting enough nourishment it makes me sad that you are already changing.  I wish that I could package up what it feels like to hold you while you are so little….you are only 2 weeks old, but already you are not the same as you were last week and I am already having a hard time remembering what it was like cradling you when you were just born.  If I could package up that feeling I would love to open the package every now and then and vividly remember what you felt like.  Hopefully the pictures I have will be reminder enough. 

    You have started showing us a little bit of your personality through grunting.  You grunt all the time and for many different reasons, and it's so much fun to watch you and listen to your grunting.  It actually makes Mommy laugh out loud quite often and I've nick named you the grunter.  You are also doing this funny thing with your head where you shake it from side to side quickly with your mouth open and its cute most of the time, unless you are angry and crying and we are trying to put a pacifier in and can't get you to stop shaking your head. 

    We had a big milestone this week…..your belly button stump fell off!  Hooray you are a big girl now.  Grandma was visiting us for the weekend and we went out to run some errands and when we got back to the house Mommy went to change you and noticed that your black belly button stump was gone.  Mommy and Daddy had to search through your clothes to try and find it and finally found it up near your right arm.  Daddy was really cute and was worried that maybe the stump fell off too soon and that we did something to make it come off early and might have hurt you…..he freaked out a little bit.  Mommy explained to him that the stump is supposed to fall off between 7 and 14 days and yours fell off at 10 days which is perfectly normal.  But it was cute seeing Daddy so concerned for you…..he sure does love you a lot.  Your belly button looks like it is an innie, but when you get mad and cry, or when you are trying to poop, the belly button pops out a bit, so you may have a half innie half outtie.

    Things are going okay with the sleeping.  You are on your own schedule and we work around that.  Some nights you sleep really well and only wake up to nurse once and some nights you wake up every 2 hours.  Sometimes it is really hard and Mommy wishes that you could sleep through the night, but I realize that your little tummy can not hold enough food to get you though an entire night and that breast milk does not fill you up as much as formula might but to me it's not an option to feed you formula when I can provide the perfect food for you myself.  And EVERY time I get up with you in the middle of the night to nurse you, I find myself staring at you in awe and loving that we have these beautiful times to bond!   I just need a minute or 2 to wake up first. 

    Week 2 was perfect and I really enjoyed spending it with you.  Everyday that goes by I find myself amazed by something else that you have done.  I am glad that you are healthy and perfect and I look forward to week 3.

    Hugs and Kisses,
    Mommy




  • Stuff

    Current mood:happy
    We had Dan's friends John and Vikka from Missouri stay over with us while they were on vacation.  We hadn't seen them for about two years and it was really nice to get the chance to catch up.  We didn't really get to do anything though becaus Maddie is still pretty little and I am still getting the hang of breast feeding and am trying not to be out of the house for too lonfg in case I leak, or Maddie needs to eat.....so unfortunately it was probably a boring visit for them!  But they did bring us a present that really rocks....it's a warm cover to go over the car seat so the baby can stay warm during the winter months.  Vikka is a pattern maker and creates samples for designers.  This particular sample is going to be made for a certain line at Nordstrom and possibly Target.  There are covers like this on the market, but none exactly like it and mine is the very first one.....technically it's stolen because Vikka made it for me, and not the woman who created the idea, but don't tell anyone!!  lol.  Here is a picture below....notice the roses.....you know......Madeline Rose.  Very cute!
    Other big news.....I got a new cell phone.  It was time for Dan and I to upgrade our phone on our family plan with Cingular and I got this really cute teeny tiny phone.  I don't really know how to use it yet, but I really like it and it seems to get better reception/coverage than my last phone.  I'm just a little nervous that I am going to lose it in my purse on a regular basis....it's that small......picture below, and keep in mind that a nail polish bottle is really small.

    Cheri my mother in law was here with us this weekend and it was nice having her here.  She took us grocery shopping and stocked our fridge which was soo wonderful.....she also cooked and cooked and stocked our freezer with caseroles and other yummy things that can be eaten in the future.  We won't need to cook for a very long time!  We also went to the Smithfield outlets and got Maddie a pretty party dress for our friend Ivy's wedding on October 7th....she is going to look so beautiful in the dress, it's super cute.  At this point pretty much everyone has come to see our precious girl so that just leaves the three of us to start getting used to each other and our routines.  Dan went back to work today.....although very late, and I feel pretty good about being alone with Maddie during the day.....I don't think that I can ruin her!  lol.  So, I guess that's it for now.  My pretty girl needs to be changed and I have some cleaning up to do.  Ciao.
  • Week 1

    Current mood:ecstatic
    September 19, 2006


    My Darling Madeline,

    One week ago today I was in the hospital bringing you into this world.  It was the most amazing experience I have ever been through!  While I was pregnant with you I dreamed about what you would look like and how it would feel to finally hold you in my arms, and on September 12th I finally got to see you and hold you.  You were so beautiful and perfect and you fit into my arms like you had always been there.  I was in love with you at first sight.

    It's amazing how fast a week can fly by, and yet it feels like such a long time ago that we were in the hospital.  You are so tiny, but have accomplished so many things in just 7 days.  We forced you into this world and you handled going through the labor process like such a champ!  You took your first breath and cried for the first time.  I was so happy when I heard your first little cry and I couldn't believe how small you looked when they put you on my chest.  You came out and immediately started sticking out your tounge and suckling and you ate for the first time within the first hour you were alive.  Mommy was so happy that she was able to feed you so early on.  You also learned how to go to the bathroom.  It wasn't until the second day, but you peed and pooped like a champ.  We even called Grammy and told her about it because we were so proud of you.  You also were a good sleeper right from the start.  It was hard work being born and you slept and slept and slept, we even had to wake you up for every feeding for a few days because you were so tired. 

    Since we've been home you have received your first flower delivery from Auntie Stephanie and your first cross country visitor when Papa took a red eye flight and showed up to surprised us.  On your 5th night home, you kept Daddy and I up all night crying because you had some fierce gas and Mommy cried along with you because it was so hard seeing you upset and not being able to do anything about it.  You peed on Mommy and Grammy for the first time and the second time and the third time….you seem to pee better when you have no diaper on, and you also had your first poopie diaper blow out where it went all the way up your back and all over the changing table.  You were really upset!

    Today was a tough day for Mommy because Grammy went back home to California and I was very sad to see her go, but your beautiful little face reminded me of all the wonderful things that I have here in North Carolina and the new family that Daddy and I have created in bringing you into our lives.  Every time I look into your eyes, or see you bring your hands to your face in an adorable pose I fall more and more in love with you and am overcome with emotion.  You are a brand new slate and the start of an amazing journey, and I am so blessed to have the honor of helping you to become the person God has planned for you to be.  My love is yours forever!!!

    Let the journey begin!

    Love,
    Mommy


  • It's that time

    Current mood:anxious
    Dan is packing the last few items into our overnight bag and then we are heading out to the hospital.  Overall I am doing good......although I have randomly started crying multiple times today and yesterday.  I am afraid of what I don't know, and I am nervous about being a mom.  Everything that can be planned is planned and I am prepared in all of the ways that I should be, but I am still worried that my mternal instincts won't kick in and I'll want to leave her at the hospital.  Am I totally weird?  Keep us in your prayers and the next you hear from me I'll have my Madeline and hopefully some pictures for you. 
  • The plan

    Current mood:sleepy
    I went to my Dr. on Friday and had an ultrasound.  The baby is looking good and has an appropriate amount of amniotic fluid to live in.....other than her running out of room, she appears content.  She also appears to be big......remember late pregnancy ultrasounds are approx. 20% incorrect, but they are saying she looks to be about 9 pounds!  That sounds big, but I feel like I can handle it....plus, there are smaller women than me who give birth to bigger babies than that, so I am feeling confident.  My Dr. also did another exam on me and although I was not very happy about going through it all again, it wasn't as bad as the first exam just because I knew what to expect.......don't get me wrong, it HURT, but I didn't moan and yell this time......I think they should hand out lolli pops after making their patients go through things like that......I mean you get one at the doctor after a shot and that is no where near as bad!!!!  Anyway, I had no change from Tuesday.....3 days had gone by and I was still 1 centimeter dilated and 80% effaced.  I was pretty bummed, I thought I'd have progressed at least a little bit, but nada.  So, we came up with a plan.  Finally a plan!  The plan is based on me not going into labor on my own before Monday at 4:00.  If no baby arrives before then, I am to check into the hospital on Monday afternoon at 4:00 and get a balloon inserted into my cervix.....now don't get confused, it's not like a fun party balloon, it is a not so fun help me dilate and thin out labor balloon.  It is supposed to bring me to 4-5 centimeters by slowly opening.  What my Dr. told me though, is that I will be sleeping while this dilation is happening and it should not hurt!!  How cool is that?  I'll be halfway there and won't have to feel anything.  Anyway, Tuesday morning I should be further dilated and they will then start me on pitocin to get my contractions going, and from there it's all down hill......or up hill depending on how you're looking at it. lol.  I didn't want to get induced and I still would rather have things happen naturally in the next 2 days, but as I will soon be 4 days past my due date, I am kinda happy that there is an end in sight......that there is a plan and I will be seeing my baby on Tuesday at the latest.  It makes me feel settled and calm.  God is watching over me and Madeline and this whole delivery is in his hands......it will turn out the way that it is supposed to because he has the plans for my life already layed out.  I feel good.  I'll update ya'll as soon as we have breaking news......because the changes with my cervix/uterus are news worthy events ya know!  hahaha.  peanut butter snack and bed.  Goodnight.
  • My due date

    Current mood:tired
    Today is my due date!  Hooray I've made it to my due date!!  At this point though, it means nothing.  I got my weekly pregnancy e-mail from babycenter.com and it indicated that since I am now 40 weeks pregnant, I should have my baby.....but I don't.  They obviously don't have an update for the "in limbo" period after your due date arrives and passes by.  I feel okay though, my mom arrived yesterday from Califronia and today we went shopping at the Smithfield outlets and got a couple of baby outfits and a couple of nursing shirts for me.....we walked around from 12:00 till 5:00 hoping that it would help my labor start......nothing yet!  I am feeling uncomfortable and tired, but other than that not many signs that there is going to be a baby coming today.  I have my ultrasound tomorrow and don't really expect to discover anything other than another view into my womb.  I think that we are going to go out to dinner tonight.....maybe I'll eat something spicy to kick start labor......more than likely it won't work.  Oh well.  My bags are packed and I'm ready to go.....insert John Denver.....all I need now is to start feeling some pain.....I think this is the first time in my life I am wishing for pain, go figure.  Well, I guess that's it for now.  Not very exciting. 
  • good news.....bad news

    Current mood:optimistic
    The good news is that things are progressing.....the bad news is that they are not progressing very quickly.  I had my Dr. appt. this morning and may I say that it HURT!!  I was never a sick kid, I've never broken anything the worst of the painful things that I have been through was a sprained ankle in 8th grade and that didn't hurt as much as my Dr's hand pushing up inside my cervix.  Anyway, now for the stats:  I am officially 1 centimeter dialated and 80% effaced.  He said that Madeline has dropped so low that she is practically at my knees.....which I am taking as a good thing and not bad, and he touched her head while he was up inspecting my special places.....which is kinda weird and kinda cool at the same time.  He also dislodged my mucous plug so I have been having crampy feelings and discharge all day.
    So, here is the plan.....we are going to wait until Friday (past my due date...blehh) and if I have not gone into labor on my own, I am going to the office to have an ultra sound.  I think it's more because I told him that I wanted one rather than there being any medical reason for having one because this late in pregnancy ultra sounds are approx. 20% inaccurate which equals more than a pound off....but I want one anyway......I'm a picture freak.  Then, if I do not go into labor naturally over this weekend, they are going to induce me on Monday.  I basically have 6 days to coax my baby out of my uterus or they are gonna pump me full of hormones and force her out.  I'm kinda hoping that because things are progressing on their own with my big whopping 1 centimeter and 80% effacement that they will continue to do so and maybe getting my mocous plug messed with will help too! 
    On a positive note, my doctor told me today that unless my baby is the size of the freaks they write about in the National Enquirer.....like 15 pounds.....I should have no problem having a vaginal birth!!  I guess my large hips are useful after all.....I'll have to stop berating  them.  lol.  Please keep me in your thoughts!  I really don't want to get cut open and would like as natural a birth as possible.  That's all for now.  xxooxxoo

County McCounterson