Monday, January 1, 2007

January 2007

  • Me post partum

    Current mood:contemplative
    My body has gone through many changes in my 26 years of life.  I've gone from chubby in Jr. high  to pretty thin by my senior year of high school to just about perfect (for me) in my 20s.  I've gained and lost the same 15 pounds over and over again but pretty much stayed the same up until I got pregnant.  I knew that my body would change with pregnancy and the entire time I never really minded the weight gain.  Yes, there were days when I would stand in my closet with clothes discarded all over the floor and cry because nothing was fitting while my husband tried everything that he could to convince me that I was beautiful and this was all the natural body progression that came with expecting a baby.  But overall I didn't mind.  I liked the roundness of my belly and the swelling of my breasts that brought me from a middle of the road C cup to a nice full D.  I liked having the excuse to eat whatever I wanted and not care if it was loaded with carbs.  There was even a month or two during my second trimester where I wore shirts that showed a little bit of my belly, and I loved it. 
    Having a child is such an amazing experience.  I think that I could use every single adjective that exists and it still would not adequately describe it.  From the first day that I found out; when my baby was just a bunch of cells and looked much like some kind of reptile… was amazing even then.  That Dan and I could create something together that was so perfect and that my body would be its home and it would grow in me still takes my breath away.  There is so much anticipation that comes with being pregnant.  Maybe it's only like that with the first child, but I have a feeling that it will be exactly the same with all of my pregnancies.  We wondered what the baby would look like, what it would feel like to hold her even before we knew it was a her.  Through all of the planning and all of the preparing time flies by but also drags on……when will she be here, when can I get this baby out of me.  Then she arrived.  Labor was the hardest thing that I have ever gone through, and yet almost 5 months later I can't even remember what the pain felt like.  I can't accurately remember how long it took or how hard it was getting to the end.  It's like amnesia and I'm sure that is what God intended to happen so that women would continue to have babies, because I'm sure that if I vividly remembered everything, Maddie would be an only child.  I like talking about the labor experience with Dan because I can get the whole story from his perspective and it fills in the blanks.  Sometimes though it makes me wish that I could have experienced it all with him, that someone else could have been me so I could spend the time laughing at all the funny things that happened, or feeling the emotions that he felt, but I was busy just trying to get through the pain and deliver my baby and wasn't all that concerned at the time with what was going on with him.  Labor was hard, but well worth every minute. 
    No one really talks about the healing that goes on after having a baby.  I think that the two weeks after labor were actually more painful and trying than labor itself.  Delivering a baby typically happens in one day and then its over.  One day of pain…..bad pain, but then you have a prize and the contractions are gone.  The pain with recovery is constant and long lasting and is coupled with having little sleep and an infant to take care of.  There is no lying in bed hiding underneath the covers until you feel better.  Especially if breastfeeding is involved.  My child needed to eat about every two hours and I was the only one who could do it.  She needed ME, which made it impossible to hide for very long.  I tore during childbirth so my area down below was very sore and even sitting was painful.  My mom got me a hemorrhoid pillow which is ironic because hemorrhoids were like the only pregnancy symptom that I did not get.  I was taking drugs to help with the pain, but they bloated me up and swelled my feet making me look like the marshmallow man.  And I will not go into the fear involved with my first poop after delivering……it is not something to lightly discuss, but thank heavens for coffee!  Taking baths was the only thing that made me feel at least a little better and I took one almost everyday.  Healing was tough, but eventually I did heal and even those pains are hard to conjure up. 
    So now here I am almost 5 months post partum.  I am left with a body that feels and looks like it has been through battle.  My breastfeeding has stabilized and I no longer deal with milk engorgement, but that also means that all of that wonderful swelling that brought me to a D cup is gone and what I am left with are breasts that look and feel like they are balloons that had been blown up to maximum capacity and then had a lot of the air let out.  They are saggy and it is rather comical.  My belly is flabby and also looks like it has been deflated and resembles a tire going across my lower abdomen.  I have stretch marks which wouldn't bother me except for the fact that they are mostly to the right and left of my belly button and basically makes it impossible for me to ever show my navel off, or dream of wearing a bikini again.  I am losing all of my pregnancy weight very well with this diet that I am on and I feel really good about myself and my success so far, but I am also struggling with the fact that my body is not the same as it used to be.  It is different and it very well may never go back to the way it was.  I know there are some women who have many babies and their bodies always shrink right back to what they used to be, but I don't think that is going to be me.  I will get smaller, I may even fit perfectly back into all of my old clothes or new ones that are a smaller size, but I do believe that my body is forever changed.  My hips grew wider while I was carrying Madeline and they don't seem to be leaving this new position that they are in.  My breasts are never going to perk back up to where they used to be and even if I lose my newly acquired abdominal tire, I will always have the stripes proudly displayed on my belly.  Part of me wants to cry over this.  To mourn over the loss of the body that I had grown to accept, grown to love even.  I know that there is more to life than the way that our bodies look but that stigma is everywhere I turn and I can't help but feel  loss for the body I used to have, a body that was better than I have today.  The other part of me…..the Mama… so proud of my body.  So proud that I was able to carry my baby and bring her into this world.  I feel like there was finally a purpose for my body, that it did what it was intended to do, create a life and provide food for it.  I look at my sagging breasts and no longer see them as sexual objects; they are life for my daughter, the perfect food producers.  My less than perfect belly was the first home for my baby and the safest world she will ever know.  I'm sure that over time I will grow to accept the body that I have, but for now I am stuck in the middle between the old me and the new me.  I am so very blessed to have my daughter and my husband who told me just yesterday that he missed my pregnant body……that he loved the way I looked while I was carrying our child.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that he loves me and he thinks my body is sexy just as it is.  Now if I could just tell my brain to agree with him this battle would be over.  lol.  Until then, I just have to take one day at a time and learn to love my now even more less than perfect body.
  • Bad parent or super mom?

    Current mood:tired
    Tonight Maddie was in a catergory of her own.  CRANKY!  She cried during most of her bath which she ususally doesn't do, and also cried during jammy time which is usually a beloved event.  I tried nursing her in our bed like I normally do before bedtime and she was not havin' it.  She was so stinkin' tired, but she also had not pooped today (sorry if that was TMI) so we decided to put her in the poop chair (vibrating papasan chair) and sit her in front of Baby Einstein a.k.a poop producer.  After about 10 minutes she was fussing which is very abnormal for Baby Einstein watching and I got her out of the poop chair and was holding her in my lap.  Her mood seemed to improve but I really needed to get some milk in her because we are trying to stop the waking up at 9:00 pm to nurse habit, so I thought......I wonder what would happen if I tried to feed her while she was watching Baby Einstein?  So I did it.  Without going into too much detail (you can use your imaginations) I sat on the floor with her in my lap sitting up and nursed her so that she could eat and still watch Baby Einstein.  I know it sounds weird, but when she gets in these horrible moods she refuses to eat and her DVD is really the only thing that calms her down.  I put them together and got a very nice outcome.....a calm, entertained and well fed baby.  Now my back is killing me.  The question is though: BAD PARENT, or SUPER MOM? 
  • Tofu happiness

    Current mood:excited
    Tonight I am making my very first dinner with tofu.  I don't quite know what to expect but I am VERY excited.  I have not really liked other tofu dishes that I have eaten in the past but maybe if I make it myself it will be delicious.  I'll let ya know how it turns out!  Wish me luck.
  • Revelation

    Current mood:hopeful
    Last night I had a daughter is growing up.  Some might think duh, but it really hit me hard.  She has been going to bed at 7:00 every night and is usually so stinkin' tired by bedtime that she cries and refuses to nurse.  So for the last couple of nights she has woken up around 9:30 to fill her belly.  Dan brought her into our room last night and I snuggled up to her in our bed and she nursed herself to sleep.  As I layed there in the dark staring at her and rubbing her back I started to cry.  I know that she needs to have her independence and at this stage it means learning to sleep in her own room, but I just wanted to hold her and feel her next to me for a little while.  She is growing up so fast and although she is only 4 months old, she is becoming more like a child and less like a baby.  It made me so sad to think about her eventually not needing me.  Even now, at this young age she is branching out on her own and needs her Mama less.  I love nursing her.....I love that she needs me for that and I cherish the time we spend together.  How precious her excited face is when she realizes that I am going to feed her.  She holds her arms out and starts grabbing at my shirt as if she can get to it on her own.  I love when she pulls off and looks up at me with twinkling eyes and smiles her toothless smile at melts my heart!  I was reading a book about baby food and the first chapter was titled "First Solids: the Beginning of Weaning," and it really startled me.  I guess I never really thought of introducing baby cereal as the start of the weaning process......but its true.  Once solid foods are started she will be having less and less milk.  It saddens me to imagine her not nursing.....her not needing me.  I know that she will always need me in some way or another, but eventually our nursing relationship will end and she will get to that age where she doesn't want to cuddle with her Mama anymore and it just I cried.  I think as a lot of parents do, I have gotten caught up in her growing up....I get excited over her learning new skills, introducing new toys, the sleep that has come to all through her being in her own crib in her own room and the thoughts of what she will master next.  And while I think its good to be excited over these milestones, I feel like I need to take a step back and take more time to BE in the here and now.  I want to be less interested in getting her down for her nap so that I can do things around the house or play on the internet.  Instead I want to spend more time just lying with her and napping.  I know that I need "me" time, but I have my whole life for that.....I only have an infant for such a short time.  Its amazing how much having a baby has changed my life, my thoughts and my desires.  I don't ever want to look back at this time and feel regret. 
  • Baby cereal 101

    Current mood:chipper
    At Madeline's 4 month Dr. check up we got the green light to start baby cereal.  I decided that giving it to her before she goes to bed at night might keep her tummy fuller longer and help her to get more restorative sleep.  Plus it wouldn't hurt for Mommy and Daddy to get more sleep too! hehe. 
    So I went to the store and bought Organic long grain brown rice cereal.  It looked like the best and I figured everyone is always talking about how organic is so great....blah blah blah.  We tried the rice cereal twice.  Maddie still has the tounge thrust reflex and so most of the cereal ended up on her chin rather than in her mouth.  Not a big deal...I know that learning to eat anything other than breast milk is going to take some time.  Well, on day 3 Maddie woke up with a horrible rash on her chin and abover her upper lip.  I of course freaked out and looked on-line for rice cereal allergy information and discovered that rice cereal is the least allergenic food for babies and thus why rice cereal is started first. which is the 8th highest allergic food for kids is often times added to commercial brand baby cereal and that can cause problems.  So I grab my organic brown rice cereal and check the ingredients.....the 3rd item on the list?  Soy lecithin!!!  Not knowing what this was I looked it up on Wiki and discovered that soy lecithin is basically the waste product left over when they grind up soy beans for oil.  It is normally a reddish brown color but they bleach it to a pretty yellow color and add it to different items like baby cereal and chocolate (just to name 2) so that the shelf life is longer and in the case of chocolate so that the ingredients don't separate. 
    Now I don't know if Madeline is truly allergic to her baby cereal, or if her drooling has gotten so out of control that it caused an unusually bad rash, but I stopped feeding her any commercial baby cereals.  It really amazes me that there is so much crap in the foods that we feed to infants and most of them have been processed so much that all of the nutrients that should   be in a jar of baby carrots are gone. I was planning on making all of my own baby food once Maddie got to the baby food stage, and I thought that buying cereal from the store would be okay......I was wrong.  So now I am making my own rice cereal.  It's really very easy and only took me 10 minutes. 
    1/4 cup brown rice processed in the food processor until powder.
    mix podwer and 1 cup water on stove in a small pot until boiling.
    reduce heat and let simmer for 10 minutes while constantly whisking.
    remove from heat let cool slightly and add approx. 2 ounces fresh or refrigerated (not frozen) breast milk or enough so cereal is thin.
    I bought these cool baby food freezer trays that have 7 cubes and hold 1 tablespoon servings.  I put the cereal in the trays and popped them in the freezer.  Now when I go to feed Maddie her cereal, I pop out one cereal cube which is exactly 1 tablespoon and put it in a zip lock bag and run cool/luke warm water on it until it is thawed and at desired temp.  Easy cheesy!  I like the idea of knowing exactly what is going into my daughters mouth and knowing that there are not additives or preservatives or words that I don't know the definitions of mixed in with what should be a healthy food. 
    While on my soy lecithin internet search I ran across this article written by Naomi Baumslag, MD, MPH is Clinical Professor of Pediatrics at Georgetown University Medical School, and President, Women's International Public Health Network, Bethesda, MD. which I found fascinating and a real eye opener.  Here is the link if you wanna take a few minutes to read it.
     My nifty baby food trays!
  • Hooray for a man with a shed!

    Current mood:excited
    Dan finally got himself a shed!  It took a little while to put together, but it is officially up and the woman of the house (me) is HAPPY!  All of the man crap.....errr, umm.....I mean stuff.....that was previously jammed into all of our closets and laundry room and under the house is currently being moved from its current varried locations into the shed.  I have my closets back!!  I don't have tools in my laundry room!!  I know that Dan is very happy and this will satisfy him until we get our garage built, and I am over the moon!  Ahh the space, my goodness the space!

     Yup, he's a macho man!

  • Week 2 on South Beach

    Current mood:satisfied
    Week two went very well!  We are still feeling full, and honestly I have not been craving sweets or other non-okay for our diet foods!  I even walked past Little Debbie snack cakes in the grocery store and didn't have a desire to eat one!!  Dan and I took before pictures and then new pictures at the two week mark and there is already a difference.....sorry, I can't show you because we are in our underwear.  My clothes are fitting looser and I have lots more energy.....I'm also getting more sleep at night thanks to the baby!  Over all I am very happy with this diet and it doesn't feel like a chore to stay on it.  Some more food pictures for your pleasure.......
     Chicken and canellini bean chili.

     Sage and rosemary pork tenderloin with baked lemon eggplant!
     New Orleans style shrimp with balsamic glazed bell peppers and snow peas.

  • The 4 month mark

    Current mood:happy
    I am amazed that 4 months have already flown by!  In so may ways it seems like Maddie has been in our lives for forever and yet it also feels like she was just born.  Madeline has become a totally different baby from the one we brought home from the hospital.  Dan and I were looking back on pictures from when she was only a week old and it's hard to believe that she used to be that little!  We had our 4 month Dr. check up today and she is weighing in at 16 pounds 7 ounces and 26 1/2 inches long.  She is in the 91st percentile for weight and 97th percentile for length!  She is a very tall girl!  Maddie is chattering all the time and constantly laughing.  She loves to have anything and everything in her mouth and loves that she can roll over on her back and her tummy.  Ahh, the independence!  She is learning how to sit up on her own and likes to stand up with assistance.  We have been exclusively breastfeeding, but will be starting some baby cereal in the near future.  She has been sleeping through the night and goes for about 12 hours with just one feeding around 3:00.....Mommy and Daddy are enjoying the sleep!!  I love Maddie's personality and I enjoy watching her become an individual.  I can't believe how much and how quickly she has grown!  Our next check up is at 6 months.....we'll see how big she is then!

  • Camcorder happiness!

    Current mood:ecstatic
    I got a camcorder.....I got a camcorder!  I'm really excited if you couldn't tell!  We bought a Sony DVD camcorder and the listed price most places I looked was between $700-$800 and we paid $334!  Woopie!  I can't wait till it gets here!  Sorry for all of the exclamation points.....I'm just HAPPY!  Here's a picture:

  • The view outside my window

    Current mood:calm
    Such a splendid view!

  • California dreamin'

    Current mood:thankful
    Today it is beautiful out!  The sun is shining and there is a perfect cool breeze.....a very nice 73 degrees.  I was driving home from Wal-Mart and I had the windows down and the music cranked up and the breeze was whipping my hair around.  It reminded me of driving along PCH in San Diego in my Z3 with the top down.  Sometimes I have days here in North Carolina that FEEL like San is one of them.  The smell outside and the feel of the air brings me right back.....I could almost invision the ocean out my window.  I stopped at a red light and closed my eyes and took in a deep breath and pretended for a minute that I was on my way to Mission Beach.  Then I opened my eyes, turned left and passed a cow pasture......we're not in California anymore Toto.  I feel very blessed when I get these rare moments.  They give me a taste of where I grew up and tide me over until I can visit again.   
  • A home for spices

    Current mood:happy
    I love having my own home.  I was cooking dinner tonight and realized that I love that the spices are in the cabinets to the left of the stove.  I love that unless Dan messes around in the cabinets, things are always going to be where I like them.  We will never have to move to another apartment and figure out where to put the spices.....they are home.
  • Our time on South Beach

    Current mood:chipper
    The diet that is!  Dan and I started the South Beach Diet a week ago.  So far it has been a really good plan for us.  I never feel hungry and honestly I don't even feel like I am on a diet.....other than all of the fresh veggies that we are consuming.  I seriously felt like the checkout clerk at the grocery store thought we were vegetarians! lol.  For breakfast we eat eggs and veggies and drink V8 juice, for lunch we have salads and sugar free jello and dinners are well balanced with plenty of food.  We have snacks of pistacios, turkey and string cheese or cottage cheese with tomotoes and cucumber cut up with basil.  We bought two cookbooks that are published with the South Beach Diet and honestly I think that is what really helps!  The actual South Beach Diet book recipes are bland and we would basically be eating a chicken breast and some steamed veggies for dinner every night......but with the cookbooks there are tons of recipes and it is all delicious!  I feel pretty good and although I refuse to own a scale, I do feel like I am loosing weight and my clothes are fitting better.  Below are some pictures of our yummy food.  Wish us luck!
     typical lunch salad with chicken and oil and vinegar.

     Shrimp stir fry with snow peas, broccoli and bell peppers.

     Garlic London Broil with asparagus and mushrooms and a baked parmasean artichoke side.

  • Bringing game night back

    Current mood:good
    For the last three nights, Dan and I have not been watching TV.  I know, that's huge right?  Instead we have been playing board games!!  After the baby is asleep we bring out the game night fun!  I have wooped his butt at Clue (like 6 times) and scrabble (it was a close game) and last night we played CSI the game.  Board games are a lot easier with just two players but it has been a lot of fun.  It gives us a chance to spend time together and talk and laugh instead of vegging out in front of the TV.  I really like it and hope that we continue the trend.  Plus its a lot of fun beating him.  I am the reigning queen of game.  Tonight I think that we will play Scatergories, or maybe Clue again.....I really love that one!  I reccomend game night for everyone, its good medicine.  Later gators.
  • marathon napper

    Current mood:curious
    My baby has been asleep for 3 hours and 10 minutes.....although these longer naps are becoming more of the norm around here, it still freaks me out.  I am not used to having this much free time.  I guess I should start a load of laundry and maybe tackle the job of dishes......every single plate and every piece of silverware is dirty!  We ran out of dishwasher detergent and have been putting off washing by hand.  I actually used a paper plate and dirty fork for my lunch.....I know, pathetic!  But we made a trip to Wal-Mart and have lot's-o-dishwasher soap now!  Well, I guess I'm off to be domestic.  My baby will get up eventually right?
  • Kids Exchange!!!

    Current mood:bouncy
    Dan Maddie and I went to the Kids Exchange in Raleigh yesterday.  One of Dan's co-workers is a consigner and she gets passes to enter the Exchange a day before the public can go and she gave the passes to us!!  For those of you who are not familiar with the Kids Exchange, it is a HUGE warehouse consignment sale.  It is at the fair grounds and seriously has everything you could ever imagine related to babies and kids.  Mostly everything is used, but there are lots of things that are brand new (like outfits that babies never wear because they grow out of them too fast) and tons of stuff that looks almost brand new.  We got Maddie a "new" car seat for when she outgrows her infant seat for $15.00 and it is super nice.  We also got an umbrella stroller for $8.00 and some warm pjs for her since she is growing like a weed and a few toys.  We walked outta there for less than $50.00 and had lots of loot.  I love this consignment sale and got tons of stuff the last time they had runs twice a year.  Below are pictures of just the toy section.  There are sections for car seats, strollers, bedroom furniture, linens, etc. and the clothes section is like 50 rows and each row is like 100 feet long......yeah, you can imagine how much clothes they have!  We had a nice time and I am looking forward to the next Kids Exchange in 6 months because Maddie will be into a whole new phase of toys and I will be able to go crazy and buy tons of stuff for very little money!  Woot!

  • 2006 moments

    Current mood:tired
    2006 Moments
    1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
    Being pregnant and child birth.

    2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
    I don't really do resolutions.  I think that goals are good, but always starting the new year with a bunch of resolutions seems to end in failure.....I just make goals throughout the year and see what happens.

    3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
    Me and 3 of my relatives.....lot's o baby girls!

    4. Did anyone close to you die?

    5. What places did you visit?
    California a couple of times, Charlotte.....not really a good year for travel!

    6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
    more friends in the Smithfield area and expendable income for Dan ans I to play with

    7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
    January 5th....found out I was preggo, March 23rd closed escrow on our house, September 12th delivered my baby!

    8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
    Not to make all my answers the same, but giving birth to my daughter!

    9. What was your biggest failure?
    waiting as long as we did to find a church

    10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

    11. What was the best thing you bought?
    vibrating papasan $10.00 ever.  Bumbo $20.00 ever. ever!

    12. Where did most of your money go?
    mortgage, bills, baby

    13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
    everything baby related, and cake while I was preggo....I loved me some cake!

    14. What song will always remind you of 2006?
    I can't really think of ONE that covers the whole year.

    15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
    a) happier or sadder? I'm happier.
    b) thinner or fatter? fatter, but that is hopefully gonna change....yeah diets.

    16. What do you wish you'd done more of?
    spending one on one time with Dan.  alone time is really hard to acheive once you have kids.

    17. What do you wish you'd done less of?
    driving in cars

    18. How did you spend Christmas?
    in a funk.....bah humbug 

    19. Did you fall in love in 2006?
    everyday more and more

    20. What was your favorite TV program?
    grey's anatomy, ugly betty, the bachelor (yeah, I's lame.  but i love it!)

    21. What was the best book you read?
    Healthy sleep habits, happy's starting to work!

    22. What was your greatest musical discovery?
    Gavin Degraw

    23. What did you want and get?
    not a camcorder.  haha.  A house.

    24. What did you want and not get?
    Oh, I guess this is where I am supposed to list the camcorder.  A new car too....

    25. What was your favorite film of this year?
     Lucky Number Slevin.....excellent movie!

    26. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
    I had my utlra sound and found out we were having a baby b-day present ever!  Oh, and I turned 26.

    27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
    do maternity clothes really count as fashion? 

    28. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
    I really like McDreamy.

    29. Whom did you miss?
    I missed my family and Stephie the most.

    30. Who was the best new person you met?
    Our real estate agent I guess.

  • I want to sleep

    Current mood:irritated
    It's 1:00 in the morning and I can not sleep.  I think that I am having a bad reaction to some cold medicine (the night time kind) that I took because I am tried and was tired before I took the medicine, but have been in bed trying to go to sleep for the last hour and a half.  My body feels wired all over.....if that makes sense and I can not seem to stop moving my legs, or tossing and turning and I am itchy all over.  I finally decided to get out of bed.  I know that I will regret this tomorrow, but I can not just lay in bed and not sleep any longer.  It sucks.  My baby is asleep and has been since around 8:00 and my hubby is snoring blissfully and here I am tired, itchy and playing on myspace because I am unable to fall asleep.  I want to sleep....I don't want to be zombie woman tomorrow.  I know I'm whining, but gosh darn's 1:00 in the freakin' morning!
  • Too smart for her own good

    Current mood:exhausted
    My child is a genius!  Now that may seem like a fantastic thing but in actuality it sucks.  She has officially learned the difference between sleeping in her own bed and sleeping with mommy and daddy.  She also knows the difference between being awake (which she loves) and going to bed (which she hates)  I had no idea that this was all going to happen so soon.....she isn't even 4 months old yet.  All of the babies that I have encountered in the past were fine to be rocked to sleep and once in deep sleep placed in their beds to enter dream land.  Not my child. 
    We rock her to sleep, stealthly walk to her crib, lay her down, and bam....wide awake & screaming.  We drive in the car for an hour until she is sound asleep, get her inside, get her out of the car seat, lay her down in her crib, and bam.....wide awake and screaming!  Dan sent me to be last night around midnight after we had been working to put Maddie to sleep for about 5 hours with no success.  He rocked her and she fell asleep within 5 minutes and he sat there rocking her for an hour and a half.....with a dead asleep arm.  He got her into her crib very quietly and before he was even out of her bedroom she was screaming.  I flew in and sent him to bed and took Maddie into bed with me and she fell asleep instantly and stayed asleep till morning.  I however did not sleep because it is near impossible for me to fall asleep and stay asleep with a baby next to me.
    I don't understand how this happened!  Even from day one we rarely slept with Madeline in bed.  She was either in her co-sleeper or in the papasan chair and for about a month now she has been sleeping perfectly in her own crib.  Sometimes we would pull her into bed with us after I nursed her in the morning and we wanted a little bit more sleep before starting our day, but it has never been a constant thing and never to get her to sleep at night.  Last night Dan and I were so frusterated!!!  Maddie was SO tired her eyes and the surrounding area was red and puffy and she was rubbing them constantly, but she WOULD NOT go to bed.  Nursing didn't help, rocking didn't help, walking around with her didn't help.....and once we finally did get her to sleep as soon as we put her down, she would wake up screaming.  She is too smart for her own good and I seriously feel like she is protesting going to bed and protesting sleeping in her own bed because nothing else is wrong......she's full, her diaper is clean, she's not teething, she doesn't have a fever.....she is just protesting.  
    I have never been a big fan of babies crying it out.  I had pretty much decided that I wasn't interested in letting my child just cry herself to sleep, but I'm running out of options here and she has to sleep as do Dan and I.  She has to learn to fall asleep on her own, because she is not falling asleep with our help, and honestly she is now protest crying/screaming when we try to help her.  We both layed in bed with her cuddling and singing for 40 minutes last night trying to get her to sleep and she just screamed the entire time.....she knows we are trying to get her to bed.....but as soon as we gave up and let her hang out with us in the living room, she was fine.  Every tactic that we have tried to get her to sleep works for a little while and then it's like she becomes immune to it and at this point we have nothing left, and we can't keep having this battle till midnight or later.....I can't function with that little sleep, and poor Dan has to go to work in zombie mode!  What else can we do?  She cries and screams while we try and soothe her to sleep.....there really is no difference between that and having her do it in her crib right? 
    Everyone that we talk to seems to agree that she is too young to let her cry it out because she doesn't understand, but I honestly think that she does understand.....she is a very bright girl....too bright.  All of her milestones thus far have come early and she is doing things that 5 or 6 month olds do and she is just shy of being 4 months.  I thought about asking her Dr. but I think that pediatricians are idiots, at least in our area.  They take what works for the common baby and apply it to all babies even if the common baby is not your baby.  They don't update their info. and all of their charts are based on formula fed babies.  I just don't have any faith in their opinion when they don't know my child at all other than what her chart says which at this point is weight and length stats.  I am with Maddie every day and every night.....I feel like I know her better than any Dr. ever will.  I have an appt. on January 18th, maybe I'll ask anyway.  We aren't making the decision to let her cry it out YET, we'll see what happens the rest of the week and hopefully we won't have to decide at all.  She is on a serious sleep strike right now and I really hope for our sanity it ends soon with peaceful negotiations!  Please help us God!
  • My brother in law who is NOT a theif

    Current mood:good
    Hopefully Chrissyfer had a safe New years eve and did not do anything stupid!  But on the stealing allegations, he is an innocent man.  I found my beloved proactive on the bathroom counter when we arrived was safe and happy.  I could make excuses about having lost my mind due to pregnany and having an infant but I will not.  I will however say that I am sorry and that Chrissyfer is NOT a least not this time.....there is a matter of a few quarters that we may need to discuss at a later date.  I love you Chris!

County McCounterson