February 2006

• Otis Redding

  How come all of the best people in the world have to die young?  Is it just in their fate? I feel so sad right now and it's utterly ridiculous.  Otis Redding died in 1967 at the age of 26.  That makes my heart hurt...it's less than a year older than I am now.  He was so talented and such an amazing singer.  Even from a young age I knew there was something special about Otis's voice.that soft velvety voice.  I can't believe how much he accomplished by 26 and how loved he was and how fast everything was taken away from him while he was taken away from us.  Everyone knows his music and most people love it. (if you don't, there is something seriously wrong with you)  I can't believe he died so young.  If I'm being honest, I called my mom crying today when I found out that Otis died at 26.  It just seems such a tragedy.  I wonder how many other people have shed tears at the great loss of Otis Redding.  I'm left thinking.....what more would he have accomplished if his life wasn't cut short??....musical genius.

  
  

  P.S. My emotions are very real, but they could also be intensified by the fact that I am PREGNANT!  Who knows.  Haha.
  
  
  
  
• Feb 14, 2006

  I want a snow day!

  Current mood:frustrated

  It snowed on Sunday.  Not very much, but there were little flurries.  Dan and I went on a walk and snow started falling on us and hitting our faces.... I stuck my tounge out to try and catch some!!  It all melted as soon as it hit the ground.  It was so beautiful though!  I am starting to get bummed because I don't think we are going to have a good snow this year.  Last year in Charlotte there was one good snow day, but it all melted by the next day.  I REALLY WANT  IT TO SNOW!!!!!  Too bad it's 52 degrees and beautiful and sunny outside!  Poop.  Everyone pray for snow and maybe I'll get my wish!  I didn't move 3,000 miles away to a climate where it gets butt freezing cold just to be cold and not get the pay off of snow!  NOPE!  It better FREAKIN" snow!  That's all I have to say.
  
  
  
  
• Feb 9, 2006

  Maternity clothes etc.

  Current mood:energetic

  I think that I am finally getting used to the weather here in North Carolina.  Today it was 43 degrees and I wore a light weight long sleeved shirt and pants and FLIP FLOPS!!!  I remember a day in Cali where it was 45 degrees in November and I thought that I was going to die in a very warm jacket!  I'm glad I'm adjusting.
  I went shopping today and got some VERY cute maternity clothes!!  Kohl's has a great selection and there were a lot of things on clearnace.  I even got 2 pairs of jeans that were buy one get one free.  Maternity clothes have come a long way.....now instead of looking like a hippo in a tent, a pregnant woman can look cute like she always does but in larger sized clothes. 
  So I'm getting the hang of maternity clothing, but don't really know what to do about anything pertaining to the baby.  When am I supposed to start buying nursery furniture?  When is it appropriate to buy baby clothes?  Maybe I'll just wait till April when I find out what the sex is and go from there.  I'm thirsty.....I need water.
  P.S.  I'm gonna actually write this down so that I can read it later and either confirm my feelings, or laugh......I feel like I'm having a BOY.  We'll see!
  
  
  
  
  
• Feb 5, 2006

  Love

  Current mood:peaceful

  My hubby and I went to the movies tonight and saw Brokeback Mountain.  Dan didn't much like it, but I thought it was a beautiful movie.  Too often too many things get in the way of love......prejudice, fear, religion.  But love is love.  We should bask in it when we are lucky enough to find it, no matter what.  It's a precious thing to have.
  
  
  
  
  
• Feb 3, 2006

  My baby

  It's amazing to me that people get abortions even in the first trimester and believe that it's not actually a baby!  At nine weeks my baby has a heart that is beating, a formed brain with blood flow to it, even eyelids over it's eyes......and I can see all of these things from the pictures I got at the ultrasound.  I can see my baby, and it's a baby no matter what anyone might like to believe!
  
  
  
  
• Feb 2, 2006

  Pregnancy Part I

  Current mood:hopeful

  So, I'm pregnant.  My overall feeling is that I am happy, but it changes from day to day.....hour to hour.  I knew pretty much instantly that I was pregnant because my body was acting really weird, but the actual knowledge didn't come for about 3 weeks.  Let me just say.....some women get a glow and feel at peace......I do not.  I haven't actually gotten sick, but my body feels as though it has been hijacked.  I get nauseas when I don't eat, I get nauseas after I eat, I get light headed doing mundane things like blow drying my hair, I am breaking out on my face and weird red bumps have apperaed on my neck and chest, I am tired ALL THE TIME but funny thing......I can never sleep.  I have to pee usually 2-4 times during the night, my hair has turned brittle, my boobs constantly hurt and I have turned into a moody bitch half of the time.....and I don't even have the energy to care.  Somewhere hidden under all of that, I am really excited to be having a baby. 
  I go back and forth between being terrified of labor and being mostly okay with it.  I'm not sure if the day time TV shows on A&E and TLC help me to feel better, or make me feel a lot worse.  Watching someone else go through it makes it not seem as bad, but as soon as I imagine myself in their place, I feel like there is no way that I am actually going to be able to get a baby out of me.  No way!  I guess I just have to cross that bridge when I get there and hope that I live through all of my current symptoms.  I mean women have been doing this forever right?  I've also started watching the Adoption Story on TV and depending on how this all ends, that may be what will happen if we want another child!  Haha. 
  Most people have been telling me that I will make a wonderful mom and most of the time I think that I will, but what if I'm not?  What if I end up sucking at it and my kids end up crack dealing prostitutes?  I don't think that I could deal with that.  I don't know how great I am at living my own life, what am I going to do with a little baby who needs me for everything including guidance and direction?  Will he or she be like me and have to learn by jumping into the fire, or more like Dan who thinks things through and was always a compliant child?  I have so much to learn about and so much to decide.....I seriously need to keep reading my What to Expect book, but I'm just not that into it right now.  Oh well.  We have our first ultrasound tomorrow afternoon and Dan and I will get to see the baby although it will look like a little alien, but I'm excited for that and maybe then I will feel more like there is actually a baby inside me and not a killer alien who wantes me to f eel like crap most of the time!  Haha.   Below is what my baby is up to currently at 8 weeks.  I'll add updates as things progress, and hopefully as time goes by my fear will get less and less and so will my yuckie symptoms!
   How your baby's growing: Your baby is now 5/8 of an inch long, about the size of a kidney bean. She's constantly moving and shifting, although you won't be able to feel these womb wiggles for several weeks yet. Her embryonic tail is disappearing, and her eyelids practically cover her eyes. Still slightly webbed, her fingers and toes are growing longer. Her arms have lengthened, too, and her hands are now flexed at the wrist and meet over her heart. Her knee joints have formed, and her feet may be long enough to meet in front of her body. With her trunk straightening out, her head is more erect. Breathing tubes extend from her throat to the branches of her developing lungs. The nerve cells in her brain are also branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. Though you may be daydreaming about your baby as one gender or another, the external genitals still haven't developed enough to reveal whether you're having a boy or a girl.