I guess thats why they call it the blues

I'm feeling a bit sad today. I realized this morning that it is my last day at home with just Maddie. It's been over 20 months of just the two of us spending the day together while Daddy is at work. Dan is taking off early this afternoon becuase I have my final OB appointment to check the ol' cervix and make all the final arrangements, and then Dan is off tomorrow and Thursday is baby day. This feels so bitter sweet to me. I am overjoyed to be having another daughter, I know that she will bring so much happiness to my life and our family, but at the same time I don't get to continue the one on one bond that I have with Maddie.....she will now have to share my time and affection. I know people do this all the time, and we'll figure it out as we go, it just seems really hard right now.....probably doesn't help that I am SUPER hormonal. (I cried through almost all of P.S. I Love You last night lol)

I'm also feeling really scared about how on earth I'm going to do this. How am I going to juggle having two kids, having the time, having the energy. I knew going into this that it wasn't going to be a walk in the park, but it seemed so far off last August that it really wasn't an issue. It's not so far off anymore and I'm really afraid that I'm going to fail. How many balls can one person juggle without one of them falling? The huge silver lining is that my mother in law is coming to help us for a week after Charlotte is born and then my mother is flying in on June 3rd and staying for 3 weeks. I am so blessed to have their willingness to help, it makes me breathe a little easier knowing that I won't be alone in the first month. Who else can I convince to come and stay for a while......maybe we can get through the first 6 months or so just rotating people in! lol

Well.....sorry for the overly emotional stuff. I was totally like this the last few days of my pregnancy with Maddie, just with different concerns. I'm a ball of tears at the drop of a hat, and I don't imagine that it's gonna end anytime in the next week or so thanks to all the lovely hormones that go along with pregnancy and child birth. Yippee. Well, I better be off......I need to eat lunch, take a short nap and shower all before 3:30 which gives me about 2 hours but really only an hour because Maddie will probably wake up at 2:30 from her nap. Wish us luck at the OB today.....hopefully everything will be a-ok and they won't want me at the hospital today!!!!

P.S. I'm still sick and generally feel like crap, so keep me in your thoughts and prayers.....I can't imagine it being much fun going through childbirth with a raging sore throat. I hope I'm on to the mucus/coughing stage before Thursday gets here!